Ted Nugent for President! Or Profiler-In-Chief, or King of the World

Ted Nugent is on a roll and them vicious Dalmatians better watch out!

Word on the streets of our otherwise quiet little neighborhood is that random packs of Dalmatians have been attacking kids all over town. Numerous eyewitness reports, video, citizens' testimony and documentation conclusively identifies these black-and-white-spotted dogs violently biting, maiming, and in some horrific instances, actually killing children and then viciously attacking responding animal-control officers.

In typical bureaucrat disconnect, city officials have sent pudgy, undertrained "professional" animal-control officers to the scene of the crimes, I mean "alleged" crimes, with their nets and long-handled nooses. Now mind you, all reports state clearly that in every instance, the offending animals were extremely vicious and extremely aggressive, demanding - by all common-sense considerations - a more prepared response than nets and nooses. On more than one occasion, the responding officer was overwhelmed by the sheer ferocity of the attacking animal, and being unarmed so as not to alarm the citizenry, the helpless and hapless officers were severely injured.

Go figure.

And, again, in each and every instance the attacking canines were Dalmatians, the identifying black and white spots uncontestable.

Further complicating the life-and-death need to get these dangerous animals off the streets was the official directive by the czar of animal control, that, in an effort not to offend or hurt the feelings of any innocent Dalmatians, no officer can single out or "profile" any dogs based solely on the graphic makeup of their coats. In many instances, officers have passed up opportunities to capture and neutralize Dalmatians while they looked into reports of collies and Irish setters said to be running free in the neighborhood.

Here's how the Motor City guitar player would have, and in the past has, handled such situations:

First rule from my hometown of Detroit - you don't bring a net to a dogfight. You bring a silenced .22 Magnum scoped rifle and take out the dangerous animal with a head shot at the very first opportunity.

Call me weird, but I prefer saving human lives to protecting "feelings." The alternative is extremely dangerous.

My name is Ted Nugent, and I profile. And it is good. 

In case you ain't figured it out yet, Ted has a point and it ain't on the top of his head under his beanie hat like those politically correct idiots in charge in Washington who refuse to even say we're in the war on terror.

Read the whole thing, but don't do it with a mouthful of coffee or your keyboard will be toast.

If Ted Nugent got elected President…

The Motor City Madman, Ted Nugent, has a new book, “Ted, White and Blue, The Nugent Manifesto.” In case you don’t know, Ted’s a legend on both the rock ‘n’ roll stage and the deep woods, armed and dangerous, as one of us ignorant, bitter, backwoods rednecks clinging to our guns.

Brett Winterble at Human Events reviews Ted’s new book.

In Chapter 3, “If I Were President”, Ted describes what he would do if he were running things. These are some real conversation starters. Among the lengthy list are the following: take appropriate oil and gas from Mexico in the Middle East as payment for all debts we are owed by them and all foreign aid except for cases of extreme natural disasters; refuse to fund health care for people who don’t care about their health and who choose to live lifestyles universally considered unhealthy, like intentionally ingesting poisons like tobacco to the point of cancer, drugs and alcohol to the point of cirrhosis, bad food to the point of obesity, etc.

President Ted would also decree that the second amendment is a national concealed weapons permit for all non-felon Americans. He would limit gun-free zones and announce globally that anyone who is armed and who invades America through unauthorized ports of entry would be shot on sight.

Additionally, President Ted would institute a national castle doctrine encouraging all American citizens to shoot to neutralize any and all unauthorized invaders of their homes and places of business, and then he would give presidential medals of freedom to those who do. OK, Nuge, where do I sign up?

I'd vote for Ted in a North Carolina minute. That's slightly longer than a New York minute but we don't do anything in a hurry down here.

Bush belays bikini-bottom bump

Hot Air had a caption contest with this photo of President Bush chatting on the court with the the two defending Gold Medalists on the U.S. Women's Beach Volleyball at the Olympics in China.

The photo inspired some jokes, but Robert Stacy McCain at The American Spectator blog learned the truth is far stranger than fiction. Here's the real story from the Los Angeles Times:

Bush knuckled off a couple of lobs, but defending gold medalists Misty May-Treanor and Kerri Walsh gave the chief executive some pointers. Then after a good play, in the tradition of female volleyballers, May-Treanor turned, bent over slightly and offered her bikinied rear-end for the 43rd president to slap.

"Mr. President," she said, "want to?"

Want to has nothing to do with it in public life.

As the son of a president, a husband of nearly 37 years, the father of two daughters, the subject of some attempted tabloid exposes and a seasoned political veteran, who is not a female athlete but knows that every camera for a half-mile is trained on him, Bush wisely chose instead to brush his hand across the small of May-Treanor's back.

Robert Stacy McCain at TAS commented:

Holy kamoley! I'd seen the photo and thought there must be some explanation, but didn't realize the girl was actually offering her Olympian butt for a presidential slap!President Bush deserves a gold medal for restraint. If she'd have posed like that for any other man and said, "Want to?" . . . I mean, never mind what I might have done, can you imagine what Bill Clinton would have done? You'd have needed a crowbar to pry him off that poor girl.