Mama moosehunter vs. the Commie menace

My favorite redhead at the Noo Yawk Times, Maureen "O'Sullivan" Dowd, has her panties all in a wad again. This time it's the audacity of McCain to pick a good lookin' babe, as Rush calls her.

Maureen dips her poison pen and comes up with what I'm sure she sees as a ridiculous movie script starring the Norse queen and formerly obscure moosehunter, VP Sarah Palin, who moves up to the top job and then has a showdown vs. the Commie menace:

The movie ends with the former beauty queen shaking out her pinned-up hair, taking off her glasses, slipping on ruby red peep-toe platform heels that reveal a pink French-style pedicure, and facing down Vladimir Putin in an island in the Bering Strait. Putting away her breast pump, she points her rifle and informs him frostily that she has some expertise in Russia because it’s close to Alaska. “Back off, Commie dude,” she says. “I’m a much better shot than Cheney.”

Then she takes off in her seaplane and lands on the White House lawn, near the new ice fishing hole and hockey rink. The “First Dude,” as she calls the hunky Eskimo in the East Wing, waits on his snowmobile with the kids — Track (named after high school track meets), Bristol (after Bristol Bay where they did commercial fishing), Willow (after a community in Alaska), Piper (just a cool name) and Trig (Norse for “strength.”)

“The P.T.A. is great preparation for dealing with the K.G.B.,” President Palin murmurs to Todd, as they kiss in the final scene while she changes Trig’s diaper. “Now that Georgia’s safe, how ’bout I cook you up some caribou hot dogs and moose stew for dinner, babe?”

I'm sure that's supposed to be ridicule, but there's one little problem, Maureen honey. It sounds like a movie I'd go to see, along with all my bitter, backwoods redneck buddies as we cling to our God and our guns. You can come with me to the show, Maureen, if you promise to shut up.

Big Trouble in River City

The Noo Yawk Times sent a reporter to tromp through the boonies of rural Pennsylvania to talk to the folks in Raccoon Township about Obama vs. McCain. Despite a majority of folks there having voted for Al Gore and John Kerry in the last two presidential elections, this is bitter, backwoods, clinging-to-guns-and-God country, and the outlook is not good for Obama there, the reporter reports.

James Stanford, a retired and still heavily muscled steel worker, stood at his door and spoke of a pension that had evaporated. “Obama got one thing right,” he said. “We are bitter here.”

…In Raccoon, Kelly Dobbins, a middle-aged factory worker, offered the same. “I’m like a duck in the water — I float there but underneath I’m paddling hard as I can go,” Mr. Dobbins said. “What’s pushing me toward McCain is Obama. Who is he? Where does he stand?”

Ruh roh! We got big trouble here in River City. If Obama loses Pennsylvania (as he did in double-digits to Hillary) he probably loses the election.

And the national polls ain’t looking good for the Obamessiah either, showing McCain either tied or in the lead on the eve of the conventions.

What in the world has happened to The Anointed One? Has his halo slipped? Maureen Dowd, the best-looking redhead on the NYT op-ed board, has a conspiracy theory. I read Maureen’s rants just because I like looking at her mug shot. Always had a weakness for pretty redheads, even when they’re bat-sh!t crazy like her. She’s always good for a laugh and even has an occasional flash of sanity. But it always passes quickly.

Her latest rant is an imaginary vodka-shot party between Hillary and McCain, celebrating their conquest of Obambi and planning his final demise.

Lordy, Maureen! Did you go off your meds again!? Check your roster girl. McCain’s not even a member of the Vast Right Wing Conspiracy, the Reagan-Goldwater wing of the party hates him almost as much as Hillary. And Hillary is the one who first noticed the VRWC way back when Bill was its target. She is a lifetime member of the Vast Left Wing Conspiracy, but the VRWC wouldn’t touch her or McCain with a 10-foot pole. That may be the only thing they have in common, other than they’re both Senators. But a conspiracy’s what the left always sees when they’re losing.

Maureen, if you really want to know who’s conspiring for the downfall of Obama, you need to read the funny papers. There you’ll find the famous words of Pogo, the swamp ‘possum: “We have met the enemy and he is us.” Obama’s worst enemy looks back at him in the mirror.

Who else could possibly be to blame for hatching that idiotic idea of the fake presidential seal with the “Vero Possumus” Latin logo on it? Pogo?

Pride goeth before the fall, the Good Book warns. I bet that’s one sermon that crazy ‘ol Uncle Jeremiah never preached to adopted son Obama.