Friday, May 1, 2009

Biden disappears to V.P. bunker at 'undisclosed location'

Pay no attention to that strange-looking guy with the bushy eyebrows and the comb-over. It's only Joe, formerly known as the Vice President of the United States. And I predict you won't be seeing Joe in public for a while. Former V.P. Dick Cheney's "undisclosed location" now has a new V.P. in occupancy and Obama has the key in his pocket and Secret Service guards at the door.

Joe Biden's latest foot-in-mouth-disease eruption is his remarks about the swine flu, which meet the standard for a genuine political gaffe: It's when a politician accidentally tells the truth. He said all Americans ought to avoid public transportation. Oops. He missed the briefing from Team Obama about how to spread panic without mentioning trains, planes and buses, which of course are all beloved to leftwingnuts everywhere as "public transportation." (Which is what all Americans should be riding instead of the gas guzzling automobiles every single member of Team Obama drives every day. "Do as we say, not as we do" is the Team Obama motto.)

The White House scrambled Thursday to tell Americans to pay no attention to the advice of Vice President Joseph R. Biden Jr., who said he's told family members not to travel in subways or airplanes to avoid catching the swine flu.

The latest gaffe from the vice president directly contradicted President Obama, who Wednesday evening had told Americans not to panic or overreact, and instead to take simple measures such as washing hands to combat the flu outbreak.

"I would tell members of my family - and I have - I wouldn't go anywhere in confined places now," Mr. Biden told NBC's "Today" show as he earnestly explained how he is handling the flu situation himself.

Washington Times editor emeritus Wesley Pruden peeks behind the curtain and translates for us what the Wizard of Odd is really doing while scaring the public to death about pandemics.

At midmorning, President Obama, jealous of his constitutional prerogative as the panic-spreader in chief, sent his press agent out to rewrite what good old Joe had said. "The advice [the vice president] is giving is the same advice the administration is giving to all Americans, that they should avoid unnecessary air travel to and from Mexico."

That's not at all what good old Joe had said, but this was good spinning practice. Over the next few weeks, the president and all the president's men will be trying to take back a lot of the stuff they're saying to punch up the panic over the disease formerly known as swine flu.

After several days of crying that the end is near, the White House finally came up with a celebrity victim, a presidential aide who had traveled to Mexico with the president a fortnight ago and started coughing when he got home. He didn't actually get very sick; this flu so far is mild stuff and the aide is already back at work. There was no need to worry about the president himself; he has no symptoms. Besides, even if he dies he'll only be gone for three days.

The Great Disease Formerly Known as the Swine Flu Pandemic of Aught-Nine is convenient for a lot of folks. The panic focuses everybody's attention on the glory of the government, and impresses the easily impressed that only the feds can stop a pandemic in its tracks, just as easily as it can take over the banking system, assume control of what's left of the American automobile industry, restore international bonhomie (surely you've noticed) and "reform" the health system so that health will be carefully rationed and your doctor will be mentored by your postman on how to deliver efficient government services.

Now, don't you feel better? Swine flu is not a threat, but Obama's "cure" for our nation is.

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