W, Anne & me: Big Al vs. Osama?

Friends, neighbors, countrymen, we are gathered here today not to bury George Bush, but to praise him. On this 7^th anniversary of 9/11, the score is Bush 7, Osama 0. It’s a lonely job, praising President George W. Bush, but somebody’s got to do it. The “W” Fan Club could meet in a phone booth, as they say about us Republicans in my county of North Carolina. Let’s see, there’s me, there’s Anne Coulter, there’s… Oh, what the hey, I wouldn’t mind being alone in a phone booth with Anne. Where was I? Oh yeah, praising W. I live and work surrounded by Democrats, though to their credit they tend toward the Blue Dog conservative side of the party, not the leftwing nutroots, thank God for that small favor.

But I have discovered by trial and error, mostly error, that’s there’s one argument with my Democratic brethren that almost always works when they start running W down. After listening to the rants a while, I calmly ask, “Can you imagine what would have happened if Al Gore had been President when 9/11 happened?” I’m sure the leftwing-nutroot response to that is sputtering madness, but here in the conservative, Bible-belt South, it always brings a thoughtful pause to the conversation. And no Democrat I’ve asked that yet has replied with any defense of Big Al.

So for this solemn day of remembrance, I prepared my Osama targets last night for a trip to the range this weekend, where I shall shoot some .45, .44 and .357 Sig holes in my favorite terrorist. And when I put the first one between Osama’s eyes, I’ll say, “This one’s for you, George!”

Back to Anne Coulter, the Sarah Palin of the media; with me in the W phone booth. Good-looking, blue-eyed blonde, a bit skinny though. Where was I? Oh yeah, Anne’s 9-11 column compares George W. to my second-favorite Western movie star (the Duke is 1^st), Gary Cooper.

George Bush is Gary Cooper in the classic western "High Noon." The sheriff is about to leave office when a marauding gang is coming to town. He could leave, but he waits to face the killers as all his friends and all the townspeople, who supported him during his years of keeping them safe, slowly abandon him. In the end, he walks alone to meet the killers, because someone has to.

That's Bush. Name one other person in Washington who would be willing to stand alone if he had to, because someone had to.

OK, there is one, but she's not in Washington yet. Appropriately, at the end of "High Noon," Cooper is surrounded by the last two highwaymen when, suddenly, his wife (Grace Kelly) appears out of nowhere and blows away one of the killers! The aging sheriff is saved by a beautiful, gun-toting woman.

I love a happy ending, don’t you? And with Big John and Sarah Barracuda riding into town, I’m starting to feel better about the ending to 2008.

Any voter who can envision Sheriff Obama and Deputy Little Joe standing up to face the bad guys has seen too many modern Hollywood movies.

Ace penned a really good rant about 9/11. He’s pretty good at explaining the sputtering madness of the leftwing nutroots on 9/11.

On a lighter note, let me share my personal favorite 9/11-Osama story. In the summer of 2002, my middle grandson, Nicholas, was a very bright 4 years old and well on his way to becoming a news junkie, like his grandpa. My daughter Layla was shopping with Nicholas riding in the cart when they passed a military man in uniform walking up an aisle. “Are you in the Army?” Nicholas asked the soldier as he passed by.

The soldier stopped, smiled and answered in the affirmative. It probably also didn’t escape his notice that my daughter is a beautiful blonde.

Nicholas carried on his military interview with a second question, “Are you hunting Osama?” The soldier smiled again and said “I guess so.”

Nicholas replied with perfect logic, “Then what are you doing in here?” While the soldier was pondering his response to that question, Nicholas decided it was time to share some military intelligence with him, volunteering, “I know where Osama is.” The soldier smiled again and asked “Where is he?” Nicholas replied, “In ‘Ghanistan in a cave!” with a shrug of his shoulders as if everybody knew that. From the mouths of babes…

Vote Nicholas-Piper for 2048!