Big Trouble in River City

The Noo Yawk Times sent a reporter to tromp through the boonies of rural Pennsylvania to talk to the folks in Raccoon Township about Obama vs. McCain. Despite a majority of folks there having voted for Al Gore and John Kerry in the last two presidential elections, this is bitter, backwoods, clinging-to-guns-and-God country, and the outlook is not good for Obama there, the reporter reports.

James Stanford, a retired and still heavily muscled steel worker, stood at his door and spoke of a pension that had evaporated. “Obama got one thing right,” he said. “We are bitter here.”

…In Raccoon, Kelly Dobbins, a middle-aged factory worker, offered the same. “I’m like a duck in the water — I float there but underneath I’m paddling hard as I can go,” Mr. Dobbins said. “What’s pushing me toward McCain is Obama. Who is he? Where does he stand?”

Ruh roh! We got big trouble here in River City. If Obama loses Pennsylvania (as he did in double-digits to Hillary) he probably loses the election.

And the national polls ain’t looking good for the Obamessiah either, showing McCain either tied or in the lead on the eve of the conventions.

What in the world has happened to The Anointed One? Has his halo slipped? Maureen Dowd, the best-looking redhead on the NYT op-ed board, has a conspiracy theory. I read Maureen’s rants just because I like looking at her mug shot. Always had a weakness for pretty redheads, even when they’re bat-sh!t crazy like her. She’s always good for a laugh and even has an occasional flash of sanity. But it always passes quickly.

Her latest rant is an imaginary vodka-shot party between Hillary and McCain, celebrating their conquest of Obambi and planning his final demise.

Lordy, Maureen! Did you go off your meds again!? Check your roster girl. McCain’s not even a member of the Vast Right Wing Conspiracy, the Reagan-Goldwater wing of the party hates him almost as much as Hillary. And Hillary is the one who first noticed the VRWC way back when Bill was its target. She is a lifetime member of the Vast Left Wing Conspiracy, but the VRWC wouldn’t touch her or McCain with a 10-foot pole. That may be the only thing they have in common, other than they’re both Senators. But a conspiracy’s what the left always sees when they’re losing.

Maureen, if you really want to know who’s conspiring for the downfall of Obama, you need to read the funny papers. There you’ll find the famous words of Pogo, the swamp ‘possum: “We have met the enemy and he is us.” Obama’s worst enemy looks back at him in the mirror.

Who else could possibly be to blame for hatching that idiotic idea of the fake presidential seal with the “Vero Possumus” Latin logo on it? Pogo?

Pride goeth before the fall, the Good Book warns. I bet that’s one sermon that crazy ‘ol Uncle Jeremiah never preached to adopted son Obama.